Stories – from other sites
Tom and Emilio (Canadian Hope)
Posted on January 2, 2010. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
Tom and Emilio has created their own blog to document their expereince as a binational gay couple.
BLOG TITLE: Canadian Hope
We are a binational gay couple living in Toronto formerly in NJ, USA. We struggled for 6 years just to remain together. In early 2006 we were inspired to apply for residency in Canada because we yearned to be free, equal and safe from the tyranny of the right. This blog will be a mix of our immigration process, our daily lives and topics of interest like politics and religion.
Canadian Hopehttp://canadianhope.blogspot.com/
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )J. R. and her partner (leave America)
Posted on December 31, 2009. Filed under: Stories, Stories - from other sites |
Exiled for Love is Exiled from Love
Today I am something I never dreamed I would be – a love exile. Why? Because I am a lesbian. My partner is not a U.S. citizen. American law does not allow lesbians and gay men to sponsor their partners for immigration to the U.S. – but there is no such restriction for men and women who fall in love with opposite sex partners from other countries.
Worse, my country is NOT one of 19 in the world that does allow same sex marriages/civil unions/welcome to same sex partners for reasons of immigration. America – home of the brave and land of the free – has a blind spot when it comes to same sex binational couples.
I cursed the Statue of Liberty as we left the harbor November 5 to cross the Atlantic for six months. Just like the pledge of allegiance to the flag does not really include me and my partner in its liberty and justice for all statement, the full promise of America stops at the door of lesbian and gay couples, especially those with non-citizen partners.
I am writing this from Europe, not from my American home where my partner and I would like to be. For us, this issue has changed our lives dramatically and there is no real end in sight yet. Legislation has been introduced. Senators and Members of Congress have signed on in support. Even President Obama has declared that immigration needs to be fixed. But to date, tens of thousands of couples like us languish in overseas – not American – homes, or live separated from each other in two countries far apart, or have decided to make the hard decision to terminate their relationships – something straight couples don’t have to do.
Please understand this in no way takes away from legitimate immigration issues other people face. There are lots of families separated, lots of spouses waiting in other countries to be united with husbands or wives in America. Even lots of children wait to be united with mothers or fathers in America. But for same sex bi-national couples, the law does not even offer a solution until it is drastically changed – and our issue faces lots of competition from some people and lots of just plain ignorance from most. I am ashamed to say I didn’t really know much about the issue until it became mine.
No American citizen should have to choose between country and partner.
No American citizen should have to choose between country and family.
No American citizen should have to choose between country and career.
Yet I have had to do all three. I chose my partner over my family and career. I have left behind family in my hometown, family in other parts of California and family in other states, including aging parents in Oregon.
It hurts!
I took early retirement from my job of almost 30 years, making me receive a reduced pension each month now because I did not reach optimum retirement age. So now, at a time when my partner and I have increased living expenses, we have reduced income.
It’s hard!
The journey to this place in my life has taken twists and turns. It has called me to think about what matters and determine solutions for myself, my relationship and my future. What I have come to understand, more deeply now – in exile – is that where we are in the world does not matter as much in the long run as who we are, what we are and how we are in the world. I believe this now with all my being and I have been sharing it with those I share my soul with, and now with you. But I still would like to be in charge of my own destiny when it comes to where I live and how I live with my partner.
In my case, leaving behind family has been harder than anticipated. Why? Because I have more family now than I used to and I have closer family now than I used to. Even though my parents have been gone for years, I now have new parents. I was adopted as a baby. From 1948 to 1992 I enjoyed a wonderful life with a sister and then her growing family and with my parents, who I cherished. My mother was taken first, with a return of cancer after ten years of so-called remission. Devastated by that, I found that I needed to – and was successful at – creating a new relationship with my father, who I was not as intimate with all my life. He was just very different about personal things than Mom.
From 1992 – 2003 my life with my family took on a new twist – my Dad and I learned to love each other and act with each other in a whole new way and it became a joy in my life. My sister, off on her own journey with her husband, his family and their daughter born to them late in their marriage, was not involved with me much and the new involvement with my father became a huge part of my life – an unexpected treasure that dashed my assumptions about how things would be after Mom died.
But Dad’s life was dealt very unhappy turns with an unanticipated triple bypass, a leg amputation and then blindness and finally three years of bedridden immobility in a nursing facility. Through those years I learned to be there for him in a way that mattered and it became a lifeline for both of us. When he died at the very end of 2003 my life was very different very quickly.
Friends were there – even new friends who became very close friends – and I moved on the path of my life without a partner and without my parents and in many ways without my family. I was trying to shed grief at the same time I was trying to move on. My feet were in jello much longer than I realized.
After some time I began to be more of the person I always thought I was and things seemed brighter. Then I started socializing and enjoyed it. But dating was still not my area of expertise.
Through curiosity and a series of events that could not be accidents, I found out who my birth father was. I took a risk and pursued him. I located him in Oregon, where I had been born, and met him in August, 2004. What a magical thing that was!
First, he wanted to meet me – after not knowing at all of my existence. He took a risk and we met. He looked like me, he acted like me, he wanted to see me a second time after our first meeting. He told me my mother (who does not want to meet me, I learned) was the love of his life. He says I look like her. He never knew she was pregnant. He couldn’t find her when he returned to his hometown after months of logging in the Klamath Falls area. He lost his chance at love with her. And now I have lost my chance to be with him as often as I have in the past. I am exiled from love when it comes to my new family and my original family, as well as my broader family.
That was more than enough excitement for anyone in that year, but two months later, I met my partner Karin (also not an accident, but it seemed so at the time) on a lesbian dating site. We corresponded, talked on the phone, met in person and began our exploration of each other and a future together.
She was British by passport, but German by birth. She had lived in Germany first, then England, Spain, Scotland and France, as well as Florida and was visiting in Oregon when we met. She explained the visa issue she faced and we agreed to abide by her regulations and trust that we could be together.
She continued to leave the U.S. and return to visit. I went to the UK to visit. In 2008 and 2009 we were apart the longest, precipitating our decision for me to retire early. Karin had been told she was visiting too often and would have to leave for more than six months. After living apart for eight months (with me visiting for one month in December/January) we knew that we had to do what was necessary to be together. I became exiled for love with Karin and we are dealing with those consequences now and will be for a long time.
In late 2008 and early 2009 I began working with one, then a second organization to find answers for the same sex binational couple immigration issue. Through them Immigration Equality and Out4Immigration.org I have met brave men and women who challenged the issue, convinced legislators to help and kept the message in front of the public. I learned of the work of Senator Patrick Leahy and U.S. Representative Jerrold Nadler, who had been reintroducing their Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) legislation for 11 years. Karin and I went to the Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing on that bill in Washington, D.C. in June, 2009 – the bill’s first big step toward consideration for passage in all those years.
I began to help too. I wrote letters to legislators explaining the problem and sharing my story. I went to meetings and panels on immigration reform and made sure that same sex binational couples were included in the discussion. I met with a U.S. Representative in my hometown who had a pivotal role on the issue because of her committee position. Several of us who face this issue were there. I have known her for years because of my work with LGBT issues in my community.
I met with my local U.S. Representative and told him my story. He and I had known each other a long time and had worked on LGBT issues in the community over the years. Now I had brought him a new problem, a much more personal problem. He acted on it and included same sex binational couples in his legislation called Reuniting Families Act (RFA). Karin and I were there in Washington, D.C. in June, 2009 when he had a press briefing to announce our issue as part of his bill.
Now, I help as much as I can, I continue to wait and hope – from Europe. I watch the online press daily for news of some move for true equality for lesbian and gay couples like mine. I hope that the promise to work on it as part of comprehensive immigration reform in early 2010 is accurate. I hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I continue to write letters, post information, ask family and friends to keep the issue in peoples’ minds and donate what little bit of my pension I can for the cause.
Mostly what I hope for is that CIR – comprehensive immigration reform – will include all the fixes that the U.S. needs and will not mire down into a horrible face-off over illegal immigrants and same sex binational couples. In today’s political climate in America, that’s a recipe for disaster, I believe. I do not want any special rights. I am an American citizen. I want what other American citizens who fall in love with a non-citizen have – the chance to sponsor their spouse for immigration. It’s simple – but so hard for us with today’s laws. Karin is not illegal. She has not broken the law. She just wants what I want – to be together and live in our American home. If we choose to go elsewhere, that should be our choice, not the government’s. Let’s hope we see that solution to our current dilemma and we can be with our loved ones whenever and wherever we want. I want to get rid of the word exile from my vocabulary!
This story was orginaly posted an: http://saiofrelief.com/?p=230
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 1 so far )Mark and Fred
Posted on December 27, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
| HARRISBURG – FRANCEMark and Fred have been together for 15 years. They have a beautiful home and two adorable kids in Harrisburg, NJ. Fred has been able to stay in the country through student and work visas. When his last work visa came to an end without the possibility of renewal, they faced dire choices. Going back to France is an option, except for the French law the kids will never be considered French and will have to leave every six months. Also, staying in the US was further impeded since Fred had to stop working and take yet another student visa to stay with Mark. They had to sell their home at a loss, since they are burning through their savings, and they may have to live apart for a while, separating even the children. |
This information was found on the the following site but it appears that site is now offline (I will update this information when I locate the updated information).
: http://www.throughthickandthin.net/htmlsite/markfred.htm
Gloria and Partner
Posted on December 18, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
Gloria (U.S.) & Partner (Argentina)
This story is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/immigration/page.html?=&cid=1153
I live in Miami, Florida, and my partner has relocated to Vancouver, Canada in order to be closer to me. After living together for two years in South Florida, she returned home to visit her family and friends as well as to secure a student visa to work on a new degree at a local community college. To her surprise, the US embassy refused her student visa request and in the process denied her re-entry into the U.S., claiming she did not have significant ties to her native Argentina. We were shocked and began looking for ways to be together legally. We searched and searched for alternatives, but could not find any path. We eventually decided that the only way to remain together was to have her move to a third country (Canada). I am trying to find a solution but may soon be forced to leave my successful business practice in Florida to move to Canada. I’m a small business owner in the state of Florida and a respected professional in my field for over 10 years and am distraught at the possibility of having to walk away from a business into which I poured so much energy, funds, and creation to be with my partner. The discrimination is simply unjustifiable and yes, this destroys lives.
This story is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/
Dee and Magdalena
Posted on November 24, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
Dee (U.S.) & Magdalena (Mexico)
This story is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/immigration/page.html?=&cid=1125
Being in a committed and co-habitating relationship with the person I love will soon turn out to be a real test of endurance when immigration officials start to meddle, because I do not have the right to sponsor my partner.
My partner was petitioned by her mother under the “family reunification” category of US immigration law but because her mother passed away before the issuance of the green card, the petition died along with the petitioner.
Now I am told the mother was “family” and I am not, that there is no way that I can petition her because we are not “straight” fiancés or married! Worst of all my partner has been advised by many people to marry a man for immigration benefits! We do not have the intention for such a deception!
My life partner will be forced to return to her homeland since there is no other hope.
BUT WHAT DO I DO?? IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT WE CANNOT MARRY BUT I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN WHO DESERVES THE RIGHT TO BE IN AMERICA WITH THE PERSON I LOVE, WHO IN THE EYES OF GOD IS MY ONLY FAMILY.
This story is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/
Cynthia and Natalia
Posted on November 24, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
Cynthia & Natalia (Colombia)
This is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/immigration/page.html?=&cid=1124
I met my partner in 2001 and began our relationship then. From the beginning we fell in love with each other.
The impact of not having the right to stay together here in the U.S. reverberates at every level of our lives. It puts our relationship under incredible stress everyday. Every day there is something that reminds us. She can’t get an ID or Social Security card so we can’t even go out for dinner and have a drink without her feeling bad because we are reminded when she has to use her passport.
Most importantly, I have to see the person I love suffocating because she can’t live, work, or even go to school freely and I am impotent to do anything about it.
The most incredible thing is that this happens in my own country, the United States!
I have to watch the person that I love suffer because she is with me and there is nothing I can do to help or ease this pain.
I live in fear that she will get tired or get sent back to a place that is not home anymore. We can’t plan because we never know what will happen in the future.
To see her overcome her difficulties gave me strength to pull myself together. At 31 years old, I went back to school for my M.A. degree and then continued for my Ph.D. to become a college professor.
We have refused to live a lie by having her marry someone else or attempt other avenues for getting her legal status.
If no options for her legal status are available, we will be forced to leave the country.
I am astonished that this “great” country can not do such a simple thing in order to retain such highly trained and committed Americans that have so much to contribute to this society — just because of who we love.
This is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/
Christine and Jessica
Posted on November 15, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
Christine (U.S.) & Jessica (Luxembourg)
This story is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/immigration/page.html?=&cid=1123
I was introduced to Christine over the internet by a mutual friend of ours in the summer of 2001. At the time I was living on my own in Europe, after recently having come out to my family. Under these circumstances, what I needed most was someone who could understand what I was going through, someone who would listen, someone to support me. I remember clearly the first time I ever heard Christine’s voice. It was past three o’clock at night when my mother rushed me out of bed, telling me I had a long distance phone call from the United States. We didn’t get to talk very much that night, as my mother was standing by keeping a watchful eye on me. And yet the sound of Christine’s voice was enough to keep me awake the rest of the night.
A couple of months and several hundred minutes of late night phone conversation later, we were in love. Despite our busy schedules we found time to plan to meet half way, in New York City, for Christmas. We were lost in dreams about ice-skating and Christmas shopping together when 9-11 happened. Although I knew that Christine was in California, far away from all danger, I was filled with worries for her well-being. So I invented a story about a relative needing my instant help in the United States and took the first flight available to LAX.
Since then, Christine and I have lived together, have adopted three cats and have become every bit as committed as a married couple. I enrolled in law school, and we bought a house together.
The safe little world we had created for each other in Christine’s country, the United States, fell apart when the renewal of my student visa application was denied.
We were forced to leave the U.S., which for Christine meant giving up her successful career in law enforcement.
Although we found a country that welcomed us, Christine should not have been forced to leave her country, the land whose motto is “justice for all.” Do politicians in the U.S. even understand how traumatizing such move can be? Leaving everything behind and start-ing your life all over again just because your own country denies you the simple right to live there with your foreign partner who happens to be of the same sex?
Christine still gets extremely bitter when this issue comes up. This is why she had asked me to write our story.
This story is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org
Bob and Orlando
Posted on November 15, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
Bob (U.S.) & Orlando (Guatemala)
This story is located at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/immigration/page.html?=&cid=1198
The travail that Orlando and I had to go through was excruciating because our alternatives to him NOT getting asylum were (1) to fight it, which our lawyer said would end up putting us into bankruptcy and (2) if all else failed for both of us to leave the country and make a life somewhere else.
Orlando and I, at the time, had been together for more than 14 years.
Nevertheless, during those years we felt like fugitives because we never knew when the INS would call us in. When the dreadful letter appeared in the mail we both went into a depression. For Orlando, who is a shy man, the specter of being in front of an INS officer was very scary. Finally, we did appear and we were required to wait two weeks for the decision. Those two weeks were some of the most difficult we have ever endured.
The thought of uprooting ourselves was horrendous. I was angry because I would possibly have to leave my own country.
I felt like a second rate citizen. One of my best friends married a woman from Indonesia and he had no problem bringing her here legally. But for me I was not given the same right as straight Americans.
On our minds was losing the house, possibly all of our money, leaving the country and leaving our family and friends.
I don’t believe that any American should have to go through this!
I don’t think I have given service to the pain we went through; not to speak of the sleepless nights and the money we had spent to simply keep him here.
In the end we won and the nightmare was finally over.
This story is located at: http://www.out4immigration.org/
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Blake and Peter
Posted on November 15, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
Blake (U.S.) & Peter (Poland)
This story can be found at:
http://www.out4immigration.org/immigration/page.html?=&cid=1227
Our story is no different than thousands of cases you read about every day.
Eight months ago I met my current boyfriend and we instantly fell in love. The world has changed overnight for the both of us. We were thinking about getting married in the US so we can start our life together in a country we both love almost as much as we love ourselves. But then we found out that unfortunately,this is not the case. We were both pretty much devastated. You can imagine why.
I’m not concerned that much about us. I know we’re strong. If there’s no way for us to live here, we’ll choose to live somewhere else, where we’re actually accepted.
It’s the whole idea that concerns us. The idea, that our life is somehow less important than the love of my parents, or his, or yours. That it’s not significant enough. It’s like it’s a love of a different kind. Worst kind.
And it scares us, because we seem to be all about loving, caring and sharing. We like to demonstrate it loudly and proudly. And suddenly it appears that we have absolutely NOTHING to be proud of.
This story can be found at: http://www.out4immigration.org
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Story of D.
Posted on November 1, 2009. Filed under: Stories - from other sites |
D. Wrote:
I am gay man and an American citizen. For the last four years I’ve been with J, an undocumented immigrant from Mexico. I feel bad that I have to stress that he is not a bad person, has a job, and has never committed a crime. At this point in our national discussion on illegal immigration, we have such a distorted image of what an undocumented immigrant is. We start out by calling him an illegal, instead of an undocumented immigrant. That is what many people automatically believe about illegal immigrants; that they ARE illegal. Some believe that they are coming into this country specifically to commit as much crimes as they can get away with while they are here, and that they are a drain on our system. They argue that if you came here illegally, you then base your life on an illegal action, and everything you do after that is therefore illegal. Being undocumented, in fact, is not a criminal offense, but a civil one.
We live together. We are in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together. I knew that this issue was ours to deal with from the beginning, but now that our relationship has grown much more serious, I would like to find a way somehow for him to become a US citizen, but there doesn’t seem to be any solution anytime soon. I’m angry that there are at least 16 other countries that would allow a same sex couple to marry each other for immigration purposes. Why the big hang up in the US?
Both Democratic presidential candidates have promised to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996, and say that they would offer a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants as part of immigration reform, but I feel that immigration reform is not a high priority for any of the presidential candidates.
I feel like there really isn’t much sympathy or empathy for us in either the gay community or the immigrant rights community. Thank you for listening.
D.
Seattle
http://www.myimmigrationstory.com/Comments_D.htm
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